Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Is it penis luge time yet?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
