So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
