he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
