the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
