You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
