you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
