So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
