I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
