Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
