I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
