when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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