why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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