why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
