Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
