Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
