we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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