This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
