this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
