I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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