Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Randomize
