Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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