Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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