so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
