The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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