Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
