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• (804): View more from Virginia

  omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.

  (804): View more from Virginia

  He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.

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• (510): View more from California

  Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday

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• (818): View more from California

  You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.

  (805): View more from California

  Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five

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• (512): View more from Texas

  He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small

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• (716): View more from New York

  We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.

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