You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
