Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
