Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
