Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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