Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
