If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
