Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Randomize
