I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
