Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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