I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
