I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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