She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We need to get me chipped asap
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
