Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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