We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
