D3 body, D1 cock
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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