My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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