i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
