I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
