I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
