and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
