Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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