We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i out mim tonsoeep
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