i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
