I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
