so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
